i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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