She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
