They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
