There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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