I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
