Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think my vagina is haunted
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize