Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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