I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize