i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
