So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
