Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
