i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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