you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
