I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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