why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize