he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
