he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
