oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
