i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
