I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
