I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
