i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It was confusing and full of hummus
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize