rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
