the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
