Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He has the fingertips of a God
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
