Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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