Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
