Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
