ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
