clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
