You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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