I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think my fart just growled at me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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