Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
