He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
