She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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