Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
