no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
3 2 1 whiskey
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
