i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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