This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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