I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
