Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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