Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Randomize