My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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