the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
