and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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