Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
