i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
