Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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