We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
