the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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