so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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