trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
