Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
