I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
