Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
