i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
