so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
