Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
