i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
