I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my being single is dangerous.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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