dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
