you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
