i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
