I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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