Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
