I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
