hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
