Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
