A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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