so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
pray to the hookup gods
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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