First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
