Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize