are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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