Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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