I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
