my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
