My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize