Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
